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A weekend in the life of firearm retail! 10/24/2020
Thursday: I have everyone picking up guns from the gun show after their waiting period has elapsed. The big dealer paid me a fat stack of cash to transfer all the guns to people. Three fail the background check.
I scan the stack of guns that they have sent me, a total of 50 guns here. 10 PSA lowers, 20 hi points, 15 Taurus G2/G3's and a few guns I would actually buy for myself - Sig 320's, Glock 26/19/17/43s, that sort of thing.
If anyone wanted the play by play:
NOT A SINGLE PERSON BUYING A TAURUS G2 OR G3 FILLED OUT THE FORM CORRECTLY!
Folks buying Sigs and Glocks were very pleasant to deal with and super friendly.
Two non US citizens - passed no problem
Three people without current ID. Two were super cool and came back with an updated ID. One guy tried to have a conversation with me that went like this.
FC: You still on Fox Drive?
FC: Okay you need to update your license or bring me documentation you live on Fox Drive. Your ID has you on 95th Street.
1: What kind of documentation?
FC: Government docs, ID, anything like that, fishing license, hunting license....
1: I just moved here for work. Give me a break.
FC:: I am giving you a break, I'm not losing my license because you don't have current ID.
1: I got mail, can you take mail?
FC: I need GOVERNMENT DOCUMENTATION.
1: I made a mistake, let me do the form again I'll put my 95th street address on there.
FC: No. I asked you if you lived on Fox Drive, you said you lived on Fox.
1: I have two residences, I'm living at this one while I'm here for work.
FC: Okay, that's fine I just need you to document the new one.
1: Why you gotta give me such a hard time?
FC: Do you own the new place?
1: No I'm renting.
FC: Then I need current ID with the new address.
1: It is current! It's not expired!
FC: If it does not have your current address on it, I can't use it.
1: Man, I've been waiting three days to get this gun!
FC: And you'll wait as many more as it takes until you bring me current ID.
1: I've spent the past three days on my friends couch since the gun show waiting to pick this up!
FC: Let me get this straight. We went from I just moved here for work to I'm renting to I have two residences to you're on your friends couch. Which is it?
1: This is some bullshit!
FC: I'm not losing my license over this. Come back with current ID.
(Editors note: To his credit, he came back a week later with a current ID. Then promptly flunked the background check)
One lady just moved and purchased a fishing license from Walmart and came back.
Another guy went and updated his drivers license but the DL office PUT THE WRONG CITY on his ID since he lives on the edge of a city and they couldn't get it right. Eventually he got a new fishing licenses and picked up his stuff on the third trip. He lived 45 minutes away and was super frustrated at the paperwork nightmare.
The only thing worse than a know it all local cop is a know it all federal cop. I had an ICE agent come by to pick up his Taurus G3.
I hand him the clipboard.
ICE: I forgot my glasses
FC: You need to fill this out.
ICE: I forgot my glasses.
FC: Then take out your phone, magnify it and answer the questions and I'll run your stuff as soon as you are done.
He hands me the clipboard. County is blank. 10A is blank. 12D2 is blank. I hand him back the form for corrections. He marks 10A, he fills out county he marks NO on 12d2. I tell him to re-read 12d2.
ICE: I read it. That's my answer.
FC: No is your answer?
ICE: That's what I said isn't it?
FC: Form has to be done right for me to do your transaction. Re-read 12D2 and look at all the possible answers. Correct it and I'll get your stuff rolling.
ICE: Stop giving me a hard time. I'm not a child.
FC: I'm giving you a hard time?
ICE: You're giving me a hard time.
I remove the form from the clipboard, grab my red sharpie and on the top of it write NO SALE on the top. I pull out a fresh form and a pen and clip it to the clipboard.
FC: That's going in my no sale folder. Start over and do a new one.
ICE: Are you fucking with me?
FC: No. You told me to stop giving you a hard time. I wasn't giving you a hard time when I asked you to correct your form. Now I'm making you do a new form without corrections and you're not getting your gun until I get a 100% correct form. Now, I'm giving you a hard time. Sign on 14 date on 15.
ICE: This is fucking bullshit!
FC: This is the law. Deal with it.
Now he's pissed at his poor choice of career and taking it out on me. He screams and yells and the other people have taken note of his attitude problem.
By the way, if anyone wants to chime in with "Transfers are free money! They don't take any work! Dealers should do them all day long for $10" anytime, I'd love to know how much verbal abuse you'd take for $10 and 35 minutes of work. It's just not worth it. The only reason I did it was to pay it forward.
The day cannot close quick enough. I stop at the local italian joint on the way home, grab a calzone and head home for some much needed rest.
Friday: Show prep day!
I get my loadout worked out at home and I know what I'm bringing. I have three tables lined up for this new show IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE. 2 hours there from my house, 2 hours back and again the next day. Before hitting the road, I check my tire pressure and my spare is low. I put air in it and notice that my valve stem is leaking. I run over to Lenny and Sven and they get my spare on the rim clamp and put a new valve stem in for me on the house. It's good to be a regular customer. As I'm waiting I work on some emails! I know you've been missing these!
FC (outbound from Armslist): Hey, I saw you have a Glock 19 Gen 5. I'd like to pick it up, can we find some time to meet today before 8PM? Happy to give you asking price.
1: I don't sell guns to dealers.
FC: Any reason why not?
Subject: $700 Glock 42
Message: Serious? 499 new in store! What’s your real price
FC: Who has them for that price? I just sold a bunch over the weekend at 700. As my stock depletes the price will be going up. Let me know who's got them and I'll send you a finders fee.
A place in Lafayette, I see the mainly go for 600, but good for you if you can sell at 7+. I am trying to find for a friend, and trying to understand what this thing should cost high and low. 499 is the lowest I’ve seen but it was sold when we went. Thank youFC: So if it was 499 and sold, you want me to price match that? Sure. No problem. I'll do you one better, I'll match the price and the availability. $499 with zero to sell.
Subject: S&W M&P
Message: S&W M&P do you have stock?
FC: The rifles or the pistols?
The Smith and Weston M&PSubject: Glock 26
Message: what's the best we can do on one?
FC: Picked up or shipped?
I'm three hours away would need to be shipped. I am old and disabled.FC: Here's the deal with shipping all in you're looking at 700
Can we do any better than that?FC: Drive over here with cash and you won't have to pay shipping. If you want me to ship I need to get their license.
(img of the local gun store business card)FC: I need their license not a business card. I can take your credit card if you want but you're not going to get that $700 price.
Can you do paypal? 725.00 all with shipping? Im sure they fit in large prepaid usps priority boxes at 14 bucks each My number is in your text or caller IDFC: PayPal? Lol. Why would I do that? That’s is a terrible idea.
Ok then what? I need to pay before you ship dont i?(Sven and Lenny wave me over to the rim clamp)
My phone rings. It's glock guy. Send to VM. It rings again. Send to VM.
Lenny: This bead is being a real bitch to get back on, I lubed it twice couldn't get it.
Sven: This fucking shit we gonna need some starting fluid and I wanted to warn you beforehand
FC: Do what you got to do!
Phone rings again. I pick it up. It's glock guy.
FC: go for FC
1: Yeah I was talking to you about the glocks
(lenny and sven are banging away and setting fire to some starting fluid to seat the bead. They are successful. The shop air compressor kicks on)
FC: I'm having my tire fixed right now I can't hear you can you speak up?
1: About the glock
FC: Yeah what about it? I can barely hear you. I'm having a tire fixed and it's real loud in the garage, can you speak up or email me?
(1 hangs up on me)
Emaiil from 1:
Message: This is complicated and seems like a scam ffl people communicate direct. Real people speak on the phone. Goodbye. Were done
Sigh. This will be a long fucking week.
I get the show loadout packed up. Here's the rest of the friday.
Ordered in a Sig 229 Legion SAO for a customer. Asked the dealer that had it to DOUBLE CHECK to make sure it's a 229 Legion SAO. He says its absolutely a 229 Legion SAO. I have it overnighted. Fedex guaranteed overnight by 1030AM.
FedEx rolls in at 3PM. I call and ask them for a refund. Service guarantees have been suspended. I could have saved myself a bunch of money by getting standard overnight. Booooo fedex. Boooo.
I crack open the box.
CLETUS YOU SLACK JAWED YOKEL YOU HAD ONE JOB
Fuck. I call the customer and tell him the bad news. I call Cletus and tell him to take it back and he sends over a Fedex return label. God fucking damnit.
The USPS is refusing to deliver or return to sender a pistol that I dropped off and are demanding that I go over there and pick it up because it's illegal to send a handgun through the mail. They tell me if I don't comply they will call the postal inspector and have me arrested. I tell them go call them and have me arrested. This will be fun.
Saturday: 445AM. I drive to the new gun show. Never been there before. I am shoehorned between the dunkin donuts guy and the TRUMP TRAIN 2020 hat and shirt table. I get set up and start checking emails.
Subject: Looking for a SW gun. Thanks
Message: SMITH & WESSON Smith & Wesson S&W SHIELD M2.0 M&P 9MM EZ BLACKENED SS/BLK THUMB SAFETY PRODUCT CODE : 022188879209 $427.99 Mfg Item #: 12436
FC: When do you need it and where did you see this price?
Could be in a week or before I need the gun, additional magazine and a box of 9mm ammo Just let me know ThanksFC: Can do it all but not at that price
(Name of gun store down the way I've never heard of. I google the address. It's a unit in a mini storage)SMDH.
I sell two guns all day. One guy is ADAMANT that buying a silencer gives ATF the right to search your house at any given time. I pull out a wad of cash and make a wager with him and tell him if he's so right, the $3000 cash that I have here should make it pretty easy for him to find the law and regulation. He calls me a Richard Cranium.
Fucking hell. Two hour drive back home through the Bayou. Nothing but country roads taking me home today. I leave the show at 510PM and get home around 730 after tanking up at the flying J.
I crash on the couch. It can't be any worse tomorrow. Can it?
The show opens at 10. 2 hour ride down means I can leave at 8AM. I grab a sandwich and hit the highway and arrive at 955AM. I walk in, set my tables up and grab a donut from the dunkin donuts guy. Super cool fella. One of his employees bought a gun yesterday. I make a new friend, Phil the security guard. He was a former cop now working armed security and does towing and repo. I've been thinking about changing jobs and morphing into the worlds best repo operator hooking cars, making bank and giving zero fucks.
I sell nothing the rest of the day. I pack. I go home.
The USPS has lost another pistol in transit and has no idea where it is. Customer is screaming mad at me for sending it USPS. What did you expect for $25? Jesus fuck.
I head down to the postmaster and talk and we're trying to see what's what. I am hoping that a wayward label just fell off or got torn off in processing and it's not a problem. First problem in a decade. Fucking hell.
Over lunch my Puerto Rican Fire Marshal buddy comes by and we hang out and chat for a bit. He talks government work, I talk dealing with shitheads. We're in the same business. I ask how his kid is doing and his girl and babydaddy are wreaking havoc at his house. LONG story short, it should have been a defensive gun use. I sold them the rifle and it's a good thing that they bought a gun BEFORE the whole world went stupid.
I get told the best fire department story. They ran a fire and they needed to get into the adjacent unit of a duplex to cut power. A lt and two firefighters are banging on the front door trying to get the occupants to open up so they can cut the power. They are greeted with 80 year old man BUCK FUCKING NAKED WITH BALLS HANGING 8 INCHES DOWN.
The crew goes in, turns off the power and the homeowner asks them to wait a minute. He turns at the end of the hall and is PEEING WITH THE DOOR OPEN. LT calls for the fire marshal on the radio. FM goes in.
FM: You called me in here just to watch an 80 year old man take a piss?
LT: No. That's just a bonus.
I tell him he needs to open a workers comp claim with the city. PTSD. He can't get the sight of old man balls out of his memory. He laughs.
(Editors note: See the end of this post for more details!)
I get a call from a lady. She wants 9mm bullets. I ask her bullets or ammo. She has no idea what the difference is. I sigh. Time to go home.
Tuesday is therapy day. I head into work early so I can leave work early to get therapy. From all the pain in the ass customers. I get a call from this lady that asked me to help her out on fixing some ATF NFA paperwork. She had the WORST FORMS EVER that needed to be fixed ASAP. It's a fucking disaster. Her situation is bad and she's yelling at me screaming that it's all my fault. It's not my fault and my therapist gets a earful from me about that.
(Editors note: See the end of this post for more details!)
Wednesday is hump day. Whatcha gonna do with all that junk. All that junk inside your trunk. I get a firearm trace FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. What firearm is it? A GLOCK .40. Why? BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS A GLOCK .40. Bangers LOVE Glock .40's for banging around and street cred. Not 9mm. Not 45. FO-TAY. I get the email from a police department asking for the 4473 and the email signature is "Officer J. Smith, Career Police Officer" as if that's a job title now. For fucks sake.
I sell a gun and a guy cannot remember where he was born. He calls his mom to ask. I LOL.
FC: Go for FC
1: I'm from Ohio can I buy an gun?
FC: As long as it's legal in Ohio. What city are you from?
1: Shaker Heights
FC: Come on down I'll have an answer for you in 15.
I call ATF and get some guidance and pull Shaker Heighs and Ohio laws. Guy comes in TOTALLY STOKED that I can sell him a gun because every other place in town refused him.
FC: What would you like?
1: I want an M4
FC: I'm out of Colts but I have Bushmaster XM15's and M&P 15's.
1: That's not what I want
FC: You want an M4 pattern rifle right?
FC: That's the same thing.
1: Oh okay none of the stores in Cleveland have anything left.
FC: Well what do you want to stay in price wise?
1: Under $1000
FC: I have two M&P's under $1000 left. Here they are. If we start paperwork today you can pick up Monday.
1: On a rifle?
FC On a rifle.
1: But it's not a handgun.
FC: Three day wait.
1: But our softball tournament is running and if we win we stay for another week but if we lose tonight it's back to Cleveland!
FC: Are you shitting me?
1: Thanks anyways!
FC: I need more therapy. I call my therapist and book Thursday.
I check my ammo delivery. It was delivered last week and I didn't sign for it. 6 phone calls to Fedex and Jane the new Fedex girl left it with a neighbor and didn't tell me. Fucking hell.
By 330 I've had enough and I call it a day. I decide to surprise Megan at home with some chocolate and her brother lets me in and we chat a bit. Wayne is a bit younger than me and also works a lot. Megan isn't at home so we chill for a bit. He's getting a jump start on dinner and is doing some prep work.
Since 'ol FC spent the formative years in the back of a restaurant kitchen and wants Megan to have an awesome dinner, I offer to help and throw on an apron. He's making homemade ravioli and needs help watching the sauce and getting some vegetables chopped. Two sets of hands make short order of dinner and meal prep for the week. Meatballs, roasted veg and lasagna are all in the oven.
Megan is still nowhere to be found. Wayne cracks open a bottle of wine and offers me a glass. He does not know I'm a recovering alcoholic and I tell him that my AA sponsor wouldn't like that very much. To break the awkwardness, we turn on Pandora and the dulcet tones of Harry Styles begin to permeate the air.
Sign of the Times is absolutely sublime, his range is exquisite and I can see how the ladies love to get down with his music. It's quite peaceful and well thought out. We chat about music and the arts and sports. I joke with him and tell him the closest thing I've gotten to sports is watching Moneyball. He'd never seen it.
I tell him WTF are you waiting for, you got netflix. The smart TV fires up Moneyball and we are greeted with Brad Pitt (he's so dreamy) and the story of the Oakland A's right at the turn of the millennium and their transformation from small market small budget ball club into a surprisingly competitive playoff contender.
We kick back and enjoy the movie for a while and I get hungry. Wayne tells me there's some popcorn in the kitchen, I throw it in the microwave and three minutes later we've got popcorn. I bring it back and on more than one occasion we both go to grab popcorn at the same time and inadvertently brush hands. Awkwardness but nothing too too bad. We watch the beginings of the Oakland 2002 season turn out spectacularly bad. Then out of left field....
Wayne: Megan tells me you used to be a firefighter.
FC: Yeah it's a long story.
Wayne: Meet anyone that liked the uniform?
FC: LOL. I was not drowning in pussy. I only met your sister after I left the department. Nobody liked me at all, I ha the worlds worst luck. I didn't think I looked that bad.
Wayne: Have a photo? Show me.
(I pull out my phone and load up facebook and pull up my in uniform looking like a badass pictures)
Wayne: Oh my god that's amazing, you look like a totally different person!
FC: The uniform changes some people but in my case it hid a lot of sins.
Wayne: You know, they say everyone loves a fireman....
And just as he said that, I hadn't noticed his arm had crept around my shoulder. He grabbed my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. It was different. Not bad, not great, just different.
On a seminal level, I can't say I was surprised. The most shocking thing about being kissed by a man was how much harder everything was. The firmness of the cheekbones, the lips, the forcefulness of the tongue, all entirely the same fundamentally but in a very subtle fashion different than when I was kissing someone like - his sister.
His tongue darted between my lips. I didn't know what to say, or do, I just sat there stunned. He saw the shock and amazement on my face. That's when he did it again, and I don't know why I didn't stop him. It just felt so good in the moment that I told myself - what's the harm?
I returned the favor and kissed him back, pushing him down on the couch and kissing his neck and nibbling his earlobe. The moans and heavy breathing were familiar, since his sister liked being kissed in the very same spots. I sat up for some air and he took his shirt off and pulled me in for another kiss.
"I want you" he said, as he undid his belt and pulled it off the loops of his pants, handing it to me.
"I've been bad, I deserve a spanking" he mumbled, holding the leather belt between his teeth.
Who am I to deny?
I took the belt, looped it around his neck and used it as a leash as I pulled down my pants and entered him from behind. He felt so tight as if he had not been used in months. As I railed him, the screen flickered back and forth between Jonah Hill and Brad Pitt.
Wayne screamed in pleasure just as I watched Billy Beane make a trade for Rincon on the screen. My rhythm increased as the trade for Rincon just increased my lust for power and desire. I slapped Waynes ass firmly as Billy Beane raised a clenched fist. As Jonah Hill locked up the deal with the owner, my face tightened into a smile like his as my orgasm began to build.
Just as Jonah Hill was closing in, so was I. My breathing intensified. My face clenched. I saw the open palm of the Peter Brand character clench as I felt my own orgasm break free.
And then, the garage door opener started. It was Megan. She just got home. We quickly put clothes back on and pretended like nothing happened in 15 seconds flat. Sitting back on the couch with Wayne running to the bathroom to clean all my jizz out of him, I welcomed her home and told her I helped cook her dinner. She smiled and gave me a kiss. We all sat down to a very awkward dinner.
What a week!
Reddit Reader Poll. What do you want to hear next?
A: NFA Form Fail
B: "It should have been a defensive gun use"
C: More stories of my developing bisexuality
Let me know in the comments!
I don't know how to communicate with my husband in loud environments without him getting pissed.
1) We were at the airport and we decided to do baggage check in the outdoor location. It was windy, typical road noise and there were announcements. He had his driver's license out to show the checker guy, but he was busy, so my husband pulled it back to talk to me and his brother. The checker was ready and held his hand out for my husband's license. He kept talking, not noticing and me and his brother start trying to get his attention. He couldn't hear and after about 30 seconds his brother and I gave up so I shouted "[HUSBAND]! Hand him your license!" He handed the checker his license but my husband got super salty/pouty and snapped: "Don't effing yell at me" and stayed pouty for like 5 or 6 minutes.
2) He was helping me at the maker space I go to. I needed him to hold something steady, he wanted to take a video of me for my IG. Him not holding it messed it up, so I stopped and said "I don't need a video, I need you to hold this". He couldn't hear, unsurprisingly as there were 2 different CNC machines going, the air compressor was going and we both had ear protection. So I shouted to get over the noise, "Look, I messed it up. I need you to hold it, I don't need a video." He rolled his eyes, chucked my phone across the counter (no damage, and it's already cracked so idc) and dramatically/saltily threw his hands on what I needed him to steady and was angry for a few minutes
3) I was at the store and he called me, I don't like being excessively loud on the phone in public, but he couldn't hear me. He kept having to talk over me to say he couldn't hear and I was getting frustrated, so admittedly this one came out sassy and I just repeated what I had said before but louder and with noticeable frustration and he snapped "Hey! Don't yell at me! It's not my fault!" Which is frustrating to me cause he asked me to speak up like twice and I had gotten louder each time so I had to shout? It wasn't even shouting! What else did he want? I was so frustrated that I just hung up and texted the rest of the conversation.
I don't know what to do. I have to be able to communicate with him in loud environments but he always takes it personally and causes a riff.
Before anyone suggests counseling, we've been on the wait list for months but thanks to COVID, it hasn't budged. But it's in the works.