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Nicki Minaj Called Me (Part 2/3)
Later on, I walked past the constant cameras. The clothes tight and stylish. Just like how Nicki wanted them. I heard Tom Petty’s “Christmas (All Over Again)” coming from that dancefloor. Nicki’s Christmas playlist a twenty-four hour affair. The club open all night… Only Club Staff wasn’t. Down the hall I saw its door still closed. The lights off inside. Its Nicki soundtrack silent. Her wax sisters no longer partying since Ash and I left.
Ready for the Queen, I journeyed through the labyrinthe. The Christmas maze, the lights. The mairjuana tree. The long hallways and glowing gold records.
I only made one beer detour. One stop amongst the many roadside bars. After downing three bottles of Dos Equis, I felt more relaxed. More comfortable for Nicki and I’s forthcoming conversation.
I saw the open doorway leading to the studio. Leading me to Nicki Minaj. I glanced down at the tight jeans that would surely get her salivating. Took a deep breath. My soul with some hesitation before I went straight inside.
There was the intimate space. The soundproof walls. The live room where Mrs. Majesty made the magic happen. A Trinidad decor was evident in the various colorful trinkets from Nicki’s many travels. The elephant figurines, the kaleidoscopic paintings of various women of color. And of course, there were the notebooks. Dozens and dozens of them scattered about like toys in Nicki’s personal playland. Well, the non-sex toys, that is…
Each open notebook was covered in the rapper’s pretty scrawl. Lyrics both clever and insane. A beautiful madness punctured the pages. Judging by the sheer amount of binders, when Nicki got on a roll, she was a frenetic force. Unstoppable in her drive and creativity.
On the control room table was a bottle of wine. Two glasses already poured. And there sat the Queen on her pink swivel chair. The studio her throne. Her bitch.
Her fingernails were now red claws. A match to the fiery red wig. The make-up vivid but professional. Along with thin wire-rimmed glasses, her beige pants suit was somehow scholarly and bland even with such beauty lying beneath it. Sitting there with a pen in hand and notebook in lap, Nicki looked to be in academic mode. All business inside the studio.
Nicki flashed me a warm smile. “Mmm, those look nice…”
Flattered, I glanced down at the preppy attire. The type of clothes late-twenty-somethings flaunted when they played high schoolers on T.V. And they were a perfect fit too. “Yeah, thanks.”
The two of us looked on at each other. Nothing weird. Just mutual respect… or attraction. The Ronettes’ “Sleigh Ride” the only sound through the silence.
Nicki relaxed in her seat. “Hey, shut the door!”
Following orders, I closed it behind me. Gone was The Ronettes’ harmonies. That was curtains for Nicki’s Christmas playlist here in the soundproof studio.
Using the notebook, Nicki motioned toward the other swivel chair. “Have a seat, Rhonnie. Let’s get down to business, shall we.”
I sat down and rolled the chair closer. Nicki now loomed up over me. Her huge ass undoubtedly helped in the height advantage. Then again, her aura had power, and it always kept the Queen in control.
Nicki waved around the room. “Bringing back any memories?”
“Oh yeah. The interview…” An awkward chuckle escaped my lips.
Behind confident eyes, Nicki watched me. Her claws kept tapping the notebook in a repetitive rhythm. “You know, I’m sorry things didn’t work out.”
Through her weak smile, I sensed Nicki’s sincerity. This personality wasn’t manic or aggressive. Not yet at least. “Naw, you’re fine,” I said. “We, uh… we had fun.”
Nicki laughed. “Definitely!” Then she lunged forward, getting closer to me. “But I really wanted a book. I wanted my story to be told, Rhonnie.”
Struggling under her female gaze, I hesitated. “And it still can… I’d love to give it another try.”
“Ooh, I’d love that….” Nicki leaned back. “You know, I really love your writing, Rhonnie. I think you’d do amazing things covering the life and times of Onika Maraj.”
Now I was flying high. A horrible actor, I did my best to play it cool. “Well, I’m glad somebody thinks so...”
“Oh, we do! Trust me. You’ve got the talent, baby.”
“I appreciate it.”
Nicki pointed her blood-red finger right at me. “You write movies too, right?” I laughed. “Whoa, shit, look at you!”
“I know my shit…”
“But yeah, I started out with the screenplays. I’ve always been a movie person-”
“So what happened?”
Pausing for a second, I took note of Nicki’s focused gaze. She was interested, alright… “These filmmakers, man. They’re all broke and do a shitty job.”
“Ah…” Nicki took a quick sip of wine.
“It’s a long story. I just… I don’t have an agent, they don’t read shit unless you know somebody. And I’m broke as fuck so I can’t film anything…” Here I was rambling. Rhonnie The Jaded Writer making his grand return. Angry. Talking with my hands. “But that’s why I started the NoSleeps. I actually wrote a couple of novels before that, but I’m just trying to build an audience now.”
“Well, you got me hooked!”.
Even I had to smile. “I’m glad. I just got tired of getting fucked by Hollywood.”
Nicki struggled to suppress a smirk. “Well, hey, at least it was fun when I fucked you.”
Damn, she was clever. I grinned. “Yeah. My best Hollywood experience for sure!” I ran a hand through my swoop. “And Hell, at least you paid me!”
Getting comfortable, Nicki readjusted on her throne. Her tone stayed consistent and precise. Her T.V. journalist performance pretty impressive. “But about the biography, would you be willing to do something else for me?”
“Yeah, uh. What do you mean?”
“Look, Rhonnie, the Barbz loved the story.”.
I smirked. “I guess it has a cult following going.”
Nicki just kept her eyes on me. There was no unwavering smile to offset the seriousness. She meant business. All as her relentless claws kept tapping the notebook... “I did the research. My album sales, the downloads, everything went up after you posted that NoSleep.” In a mic drop moment, Nicki’s hand collapsed on to the binder. “And now I want more!”
“Whoa…” I struggled to say through the excitement. “So you want like a whole series?”
The shit-eating grin never left my face. Already my mind was racing with ideas. I turned away, disoriented by my life-long dream.
“I’ll pay you as well,” Nicki continued. “You can even go back to Albany, Georgia.” With seductive poise, Nicki leaned in a little closer. “Or Hell, you and Ash can come here.”
I faced Nicki. “So did people really like the story that much?”
“Oh, Hell yeah!”
“Did any of them… believe it?”
Nicki revealed a sly smile. “Some.”
Enjoying the spotlight, I folded my arms. “So fucking crazy… Honestly, I just wanted to tell the truth about what happened… I wasn’t trying to write creepy fan fic or erotic shit. I was just wanting to portray you as accurately as possible, Nicki. I mean Hell, I thought that’d be my only shot at the biography!”
Nicki’s female gaze was starting to appear. “Not at all.”
Still rambling, I threw my hands up. “And then some people found it hot. They seemed more aroused than anything-”
“Why wouldn’t they?”
I gave her an amused look… realizing she was kinda right.
“Pegging’s hot,” Nicki continued. “And it ain’t like those rumors about me fucking men in the ass weren’t around before your story.”
I revealed a smirk. “Yeah...”
Rivaling my own elation, Nicki rolled her chair in closer toward me. “I just want you to do one thing.”
“Make it even sexier! Get fucking crazy with it!”
“What… You’re joking, right?”
Nicki pointed at her stone cold glare. “Do I look like I’m fucking joking, Rhonnie!” She gave me a light punch on the arm. And damn, it still hurt… “Just do what I say! Write about all the sex. About how hot I am.” For emphasis, she squeezed her own breasts. “These titties, this ass, the pegging.” Nicki pointed at me. ”Squeezing a guy’s ass or making him strip down, the fucking hot shit, Rhonnie! I need more of that!”
The speech left me in stunned silence. There was a lot to unpack. Amongst the shock and intrigue, there was also disappointment...
Nicki shook my shoulder. “Just do more of that! That’s what we need.”
I pulled away from her. “But why...”
I pointed between us. “I just told you, I didn’t intend to just make you out to be some fucking bimbo, Nicki! I wanted to humanize you. That was the whole point!”
With a subtle smile on her face, Nicki just watched me.
“Like yeah, I told the truth,” I went on. “I wrote about the crazy sex but that wasn’t the point! I wanted to show the world the real you. I wanted them to see Onika Maraj. This was a biography.”
In a twisted taunt, Nicki caressed my face. “Oh, that’s so cute, Rhonnie.”
I knocked her hand away. “No, I mean it!”
Her smile was swiped clean. Nicki now literally got in my face. “And that’s fan-fucking-tastic!”
Scared, I cowered back into my seat. Nicki hadn’t even yelled... she didn’t need to.
“Look, baby, what you’re saying is true,” continued Nicki. She laid a hand in my lap. Dangerously close to awakening my penis... “And I appreciate it, Rhonnie. I’m glad you captured the real me.”
“I tried,” I said. I stole a look down at her hand. “Are you sure Zoo’s cool with this?”
Nicki’s grip got tighter. “Yes, Zoo’s fine, Rhonnie!”
“I’m just saying…”
Like a starved animal, Nicki pulled my chair closer toward her. “You got my vibe well, but that’s not what got me famous, Rhonnie! I wish it was but it wasn’t.”
“What are you talking about? You’re talented as fuck and that’s another reason I-”
“And so are you!” Nicki interrupted. “And that’s my whole point!” Gentle, Nicki’s claws ran along my cheeks… “I was like you once, Rhonnie. I had the talent. The drive, the dedication.”
Rivetered, I watched her every move. Her every emotion.
Nicki sat back in her seat. “But none of that mattered. I got nowhere in my career... I was broke…” She flashed a weary smile. “Those Barbie dreams were far away back then.”
“I understand,” I said.
“Being a female rapper…” Nicki shrugged her shoulders. “You just have to play the game.”
“Sex, the male gaze.” I waved toward her body. “All that shit just to have your voice heard.”
Nicki nodded. But the bitterness didn’t manifest itself in tears or weakness. Just hardened toughness. “I had to play the freak. For every ‘Regret In Your Tears,’ I have to do three or four whackass sex songs.”
Showing support amidst the Queen’s self-reflection, I grinned. “Like ‘Anaconda’?”
Nicki laughed. “What! You don’t like-”
“God, I hate that song!”
Nicki grabbed my arm. “But you see my point, right!”
“I do. Definitely.”
Ruminating on the famed career, Nicki ran her hands along the notebook. Struggled to maintain eye contact. Obviously relieved for the deeper conversation… if uncomfortable. “That’s why I have to do all this shit. To do what I really want I have to shake my ass or flaunt my titties! It’s frustrating, man. To have to write some of these lyrics and keep being the freaky bitch for everyone… I mean for once I’d like to have Channing Tatum or someone give me a lapdance in a music video but that’d scare the ‘straight’ guys watching… I can’t objectify men for the serious money.” She looked right at me. A vague glimmer of defeat in her power. “Just myself.”
The words, the realities left me in a sad silence. I had even more empathy for Onika now. Especially after hearing this requiem for Nicki’s initial rap idealism.
“So you see,” Nicki said. “The sex sells, Rhonnie. That’s all that matters.” She pointed a red claw at me. “And that’s why we need more of it in the stories.”
“But we don’t!” I replied. “You don’t have to do-”
“Listen, if you’re wanting to do this full time, Rhonnie, you gotta compromise!” Nicki yelled in a voice driven by years of rage. Years of industry suppression.
I waved toward the studio. “But look, you have the money! You’ve already played their stupid fucking game!”
Nicki stared at me. The glasses hid any tears or melancholy. Then again, Nicki always hid it well. She had the perfect poise. The confidence necessary for a black woman to climb her way to the top of the entertainment food chain.
“We can just write the truth,” I continued. “You can write the songs you want to write. You don’t have to satisfy this fucking thirst from others who just watch you for the sex. You don’t have to make money off that shit anymore! You can be the great artist you are! The one you were born to be!”
Right before me, Nicki’s creative mind went into contemplation. “At this point, I’ve got no choice,” she said. “I need the money just like anyone else, Rhonnie.”
Snapping into scary Nicki, she lunged toward me. A fiery fervor consumed her. The red wig and fingernails made her a rap Goddess straight from Hell.
I got quiet real quick.
“Don’t you understand! I’ve got no choice, Rhonnie!” Nicki shouted. “I’m thirty-seven years old! There’s not much time for a woman in this industry to be the best, man!”
“I know,” I said in a low voice. “I’m sorry...”
More calm, Nicki leaned back. “I’m just glad I can talk about pegging now,” she admitted. “Hell, that’s some progress for female empowerment for you.”
“True… But I just think there’s nothing to lose by focusing more on your artistic vision. You don’t have to keep exploiting yourself-”
“Maybe I want to,” Nicki interrupted.
With seductive slowness, Nicki creeped in closer. “Sometimes I like the attention.” She let out a confident cackle. “The thought of all those guys and girls finding me hot… I don’t know.” She bit her lip with erotic emphasis. “It turns me on.”
I grinned. “I’m not arguing with-”
Giving in to her natural theatrics, Nicki collapsed back on the chair. Now channeling her inner Bob Dylan. Her inner eccentric rock star. Letting all those quirks and tics whisk her away. “I mean yeah, it’s frustrating not to get to do my deeper songs all the time. To embrace being the artist I know I am... That’s what I really want, don’t get me wrong.” Holding my gaze hostage, she shrugged her shoulders. “But sometimes it’s sexy to play the star. To be all hot and beautiful... I like it sometimes...” She flashed that beaming smile. “And it gives me money. Power. Certainly helped me get you here.”
Nicki’s hands veered under the notebook. Stacking them on top of one another, she created a literal handmade dick. “It lets me do whatever I want to you, Rhonnie…” Moaning and grunting, Nicki pretended to peg me right then and there. Her thrusts always so aggressive. Even when she was only pretending to fuck me hard…
I couldn’t turn away. Nor couldn’t help but be aroused… Trying not to give in to the steamy sight, I sifted in my seat. Battled my rising bulge. “But still, there’s no way to ignore the money?” I asked. “Do the music that best captures you.”
Ignoring me, Nicki kept on with the imaginary fucking. Her grunts got louder. The Queen clearly nearing her orgasm…
Still I tried to steer us back on track. I moved in toward her. “Just make your own album about you and all these hot guys or you and your relationships,” I continued, my voice louder in an attempt to overpower Nicki’s carnal cries. “Instead of having to exploit your body so much, you can do more songs you care about!”
Cackling, Nicki sat up straight. She clapped her hands together.
“What?” I said.
“You’re funny. God… you’re always funny, Rhonnie.”
I revealed an amused smile. “Well, thanks...”
“I mean it!” Nicki pushed her dangling red hair back. “Oh shit.”
In the cold room, I hesitated. Struggling to stay serious and heartfelt amidst Nicki’s lingering laughter. “I don’t mean to sound like I’m judging you, Nicki because I’m not.” I felt her stare settle in on me. “You make a lot more than me and still can make great music… I just think you’re better than that.”
“And so are you,” Nicki said in a sharp reply.
Confused, I felt unease surge through me. My goofy smile couldn’t play it off either. “What do you mean?”
Armed with a wide grin, Nicki slowly crept closer toward me. “I told you this last time.” The two of us were now just inches apart. “I know allll about you, Rhonnie.”
Anxiety joined my unease. I now trembled...
“You like the attention too,” Nicki said. “I know you do!”
“So what are you trying to say?”
“I’m just proving my point.” Mrs. Majesty shrugged her shoulders. Her smirk slicing into me. “Sex sells.” She rested a hand on my knee. “You should know that as well as anyone.”
Warm sensations erupted inside me. I felt body heat. As if our emotional therapy session had morphed into a Skinemax porno...
“You’re the one that’s always posting on Reddit,” Nicki teased. “Letting all those horny desperate girls and guys ogle you like that. Jerking off to you... You fucking love it, don’t you?”
She had me. “Yeah,” I admitted.
Nicki now felt along my chest. “Your dick and ass pictures on ladyboners and gaybros. I know you do it, Rhonnie. I know alll about you remember...”
The room finally got hotter…
“Let’s go through those accounts, shall we,” Nicki pressed further. “Ronaldlongdick.”
I smiled at Nicki. “Yeah, that’s me.”
“That one was obvious...”
Nicki’s claws ran wild across my body. Fueled by her desire. Not that I was complaining…
“Bubblebutt4days,” Nicki continued. She let out a soft chuckle. “And rhonnie141414. Hmm, that’s sure discreet.”
“Yeah, that was when I was twenty-four, man...”
“But that’s the thing.” Nicki’s grip settled in on my thighs. “You know that account you deleted. Ronaldlongdick.”
Nicki got closer. The two of us now noses apart. “How many followers did it end up with?”
Not wanting to answer, I turned away.
“Come on now,” Nicki taunted. “You know how many, bitch.”
I gave her a defeated smirk. Knowing full well what she was about to say… And how she’d proven this harsh reality: sex sells.
“Thirteen hundred followers, Rhonnie!” Nicki shouted.
The inevitable set in. I nodded along with her. Overpowered by the Queen once more. “I know...”
Nicki purred with delight. “And compare that to your writing, huh? The rhonnie14 sub?” She nudged my chin. “How many?”
“Eight hundred and-”
“Five!” Nicki said with me. Her triumphant laugh blared.
Cornered by Nicki, I shrugged. “Well… you got me...”
“So think about this, Rhonnie. You’re more famous for that dick.” With excited delight, Nicki slid her hands on to my booty. “And that ass than your horror stories...”
“Thanks, Nicki,” I deadpanned. “I appreciate the support!”
Nicki chuckled as she squeezed tighter to my ass. “All I’m saying’s you gotta do what you gotta do to get famous, boo. To make real money.” She ran her hands along my abs. “And now that you’ve been working out, I can go ahead and tell you, you’d make bank flaunting all this on-line. Those down low brothas and thirstyass sistas would be all up on you.”
“Stop it!” I joked. “I can’t handle this many compliments.”
“Bitch, please!” Nicki gave me a shove before sitting back in her seat. “You love that shit and you know it! You know you do!”
“Naw, you’re right... You’re totally right.”
“All I’m saying’s they appreciate your body more than the Goddamn stories! The shit you bust your ass to write, but they’d rather see that big dick and booty than anything else! You gotta profit off that, babe!”
I smirked. “So what are you saying? That I become a male stripper or something?”
Nicki snorted with laughter. “Hell, maybe! But just think about these stories for instance. You mix sex with storytelling like I did with the raps, and you got something that’ll sell, Rhonnie!”
Goddamn, she made sense… I nodded in agreement. “I see.”
“Like this next one, just go crazy with it! You know the Barbz will eat it up. Me pegging this Zac Efron-looking writer and his fineass all over the place!”
“Man, you’re really on this Efron kick lately...”
Nicki readjusted her glasses. “Bieber too. Because y’all fine and kinda look alike. Kinda built alike.”
Genuinely flattered, I probably blushed. “Thanks.”
“But people are fucking dumb. That’s the shit you gotta do to get fans, boo!”
“Naw, you’re totally right...”
Nicki straightened the notebook. “Like write about Ashley pegging you, you showing your dick to dudes on-line. That’ll sell like crazy. More views, more readers. Exploit it!”
“I guess I’ll start now then. With these new stories and all, the series.”
Like a supportive coach, Nicki pointed toward me, hyping me up. “Exactly! You got this!”
Already the wheels were turning. The crazy scenarios I could write about the Minaj mansion.
“You and Ashley can always come back here too,” I heard Nicki say. “I’ll give y’all another vacation...”
I smiled at Nicki. “I bet you would.”
She opened the binder. “Hey, y’all sexy. And I got you dressing in those clothes I like.”
I felt on the shirt’s fine fabric. “Yeah, from like 2008.”
“But trust me, Ash’s ready…”
“I bet she’s tearing that ass up every night too...”
Playful, I gave Nicki a weirded out look.
Laughing, she flipped through a few pages. “You know I’m crazy as Hell.”
“No doubt…” And then I saw the joint tucked away toward the back of the binder... Pristine California grass. A pink lighter laying right beside it. Holy shit…
“But for real, I wanna help,” Nicki said. She picked up the j. “You need someone dominant guiding you. Like with you and Ashley.”
Nicki held the pot out toward me. “You think you can handle it?”
“Shit…” I stood up. “If I can handle what you did to me last time, I can take anything.”
With a Devilish laugh, Nicki flicked the lighter. The flame showcased a wild glint in her eyes. Further revealed the ferocious soul under that red wig...
It turns out I couldn’t handle it. The next few hours were a blur. A gonzo production directed by wine and the strongest pot I ever smoked. Shit got weird. Nicki and I’s conversations ranged from 90s horror movies to heteroflexibility (don’t ask). Our high happiness interspersed with hysteria. Maybe there was a kiss. More groping. I honestly can’t remember...
Hours later, I awoke from the Christmas cannabis. All to the tune of Maroon 5’s “Happy Xmas (War Is Over).” Adam Levine’s piercing falsetto a ringing church bell to my haze.
Shivering, I folded my arms. “Fuck…” I muttered. First, I was glad to be wearing the same MySpace-era wardrobe. To actually be in a fucking bed, much less my bedroom… Until I saw who was laying beside me: Nicki herself. She was out cold. Another bottle of wine clasped in her hands like a teddy bear. A Santa Claus hat blended into her wig. Now I realized I had a Santa hat draped over my swoop... But, at least we were both dressed and lying on the covers. Neither of us could get MeToo’d now.
Staying quiet, I snuck out of bed. I slipped around in my socks. My clumsy footsteps drowned out by Maroon 5’s holiday cheese.
I looked toward the open doorway. Out toward where the Christmas concert continued… from Nicki’s personal nightclub.
Glasses slid down my nose. Confused, I took them off… They were the purple Buddy Holly ones. The same pair Nicki gave me last time. I put them back on and looked over at the bed… Toward the resting Queen. Had she taken my contacts out for me? The gesture was odd… but still kinda sweet.
The holiday playlist changed to Judy Garland’s “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.” A pretty melody and even prettier voice. But one that should soothe Nicki to sleep for the time being...
Battling the migraine, I entered the hallway. Curiosity compelled me. Not to mention snacks, man.
I turned and looked down the hall. Toward the fateful Club Staff. Sextopia City. Now there was a light on inside the room… Even a faint chatter I could hear over this Christmas classic.
I took another step toward it. Now I heard multiple, muffled voices. It couldn’t have been the wax figures… Certainly, not Nicki herself. Sure, her range was supreme but not even she could hit those deeper male tones.
Uneasy, I looked on at the closed door. The room taunting me, tempting me. But it was too late for this shit… And I knew once I snuck in there, Club Staff would be hard to leave.
I proceeded through the rest of the mansion. Every clock read three A.M. The munchies made me stop once for those amazing cookies. And to my relief, there was no weed in them...
The barrage of standard Christmas crooners scored my journey. Stuck in the cold and surrounded by the decorations, I could even feel the holiday spirit.
I decided to dodge the nightclub. All the fucking bars. Through windows, I saw those powerful security lights bring daylight to the dead of night. Everything was illuminated. The pillars, the colors. All those fucking cameras. Nicki’s palace a fusion of government compound and wacky art exhibit.
I strayed into corridors unknown. Into yet another long hallway on the first floor. Fuck it, I was already lost in the Minaj maze. Then I saw a pair of wide-open double doors. The clinical lab lighting inside drew me in.
I stepped into the wide, vast space. The garage was fucking freezing... and there were quite a few cars in here. Quite a few crammed shelves and boxes. Only something was off… There was no style. Not a damn thing was pink.
Intrigued, I walked on through. Emulating a cheap detective. Dean Martin’s “Let It Snow!” echoed all around me… only the Christmas cheer was long gone by now. Replaced instead by rising unease.
The cars weren’t necessarily hideous. Just average. Used cars with lots of mileage. None of them any newer than 2016 models. Perfect for a blue-collar neighborhood or modest suburbia. But nothing befitting Nicki Minaj’s mansion.
The boxes and shelves offered more of the same mediocrity. Wrinkled clothes. Bland casual wear comprising of tee-shirts, jeans, and dresses. Nothing Nicki would touch much less showcase. Then there was the shitty jewelry. Obvious fake gold and silver. Yard sale fashion.
Scoffing, I glanced around the garage. Were all these items from the Queen’s pre-Minaj days? Mementos from her beloved past? Or was it just shit she planned on donating?
My handsome reflection caught my eye. I got a good glimpse of the perfect-fitting clothes.
A stained mirror leaned up against a set of rejected high school lockers. All of them with padlocks.
I stepped toward them. Tried yanking on those unwavering locker doors… I leaned in closer, peering through their metal’s holes. Clearly, shit was piled up inside. Hidden away. But why?
The mystery further unnerved me. My fear returned.
Then I heard a louder song: Burl Ives’ “Holly Jolly Christmas” blared through this mausoleum of a garage. The bells and chimes engulfed me. Trembling in the cold air, I looked toward the very back.
A window showcased Nicki’s sprawling backyard. Not to mention the different smaller buildings occupying the green acres. One larger shed caught my eye.... After all, who else would have a two story efficiency unit?
Much less one with two tall security guards stationed at the front door. Under the bright security lights, I saw the building’s windows were all boarded up. Spastic cameras hovering over it.
“What the fuck…” I said. Battling the nerves, I stepped closer to see another shed had the same set-up of guards and cameras. What exactly was going on...
All the while, no one saw me spying. The Queen’s guards remained silent and still. A 24/7 shield.
I felt a large pendulum bump into my ass… Then felt a pair of thirsty hands grab each cheek. Startled, I whirled around.
“Hey, boo!” rang that hypnotic voice.
There Nicki stood right behind me. Now dressed in casual booty shorts and a red tank top., she was barefoot and missing a wig. Her natural beauty a nice contrast to the trash treasure trove surrounding us. Her smile as enthusiastic as ever.
And of course, there was the strap. From her crotch, Nicki’s pink dildo danged down like a snake… A real anaconda brushing against my ass.
I staggered back out of fear… and maybe some excitement. “Whoa…”
Nicki cackled. “Did I scare you!”
Singing along, Nicki swung the dildo to the tune of Burl Ives. To the beat of the “ding…. dong…. ding...” harmonies.
I stared on at her third leg. Intimidated by the size… yet hypnotized by Nicki’s passion. Her magnetism. “Really, Nicki,” I quipped.
Chuckling, Nicki ran a hand along my arm. “What? I wanted to surprise you!”
“With the fucking pinkosaurus?”
“Yeah, why not.” She leaned in closer. “You’re the one sneaking out...”
I stole one look out the window. Out toward the guards. The strange buildings. “I just couldn’t sleep,” I told the Queen.
Nicki squeezed my wrist in a death grip of passion. “I can fix that.”
Flashing a smile, I broke away from her spell. “Naw, I need to go lay down. I can’t keep up with you!”
“Maybe tomorrow then?” Nicki teased.
“Maybe!” I then walked through the valley of Christmas music. Right into Burl Ives’ joyous vocals. The entire time I felt Nicki’s hungry eyes watch me. Staring me down hard… Her smile driven by nothing but desire. I forced myself not to turn. The temptation too much… but my tired state helped me persevere against the gorgeous rapper.
“You better be glad I don’t get a shake weight on that ass!” I heard Nicki shout with sadistic glee.
I Got Hired To Write Nicki Minaj’s Biography (Part 2/2)
So imagine my surprise when I was asked to write a biography. No, not for Stephen King or Edgar Allan Poe. But an authorized biography for the one and only Nicki Minaj. Yeah, I was shocked too when I first read that mysterious e-mail.
The offer even said I'd be given full credit... not to mention insane pay. And all I had to do was just give the L.A. phone number a call...
To my surprise, a familiar female voice answered. The unmistakable charismatic and playful tone I'd heard on hit radio since 2010. My college celebrity crush: Nicki. And she sounded overjoyed to be talking to me! Her contagious laughter sweeter than John and Paul's harmonies.
Nicki told me she loved my stories. She praised the scares, the twists, prose, even the Goddamn similes. And most of all, she was impressed by the diversity of my casts.
Here I was standing alone in my girlfriend Ashley's apartment. Just finding out Nicki Minaj had been my cheerleader all along...
She didn't stop there either. The authorized biography meant I'd get the chance to spend time with the artist herself. A one-way ticket to Beverly Hills she was paying for!
"Thank you!" I said to her. "This is gonna be so amazing. My girlfriend loves you! Ashley's gonna lose her shit when she gets to meet you!"
"Well, we can all meet when the book's done."
Slight disappointment sunk into me. "When it's done?"
"Yeah. We can't have no distractions, Rhonnie. We gotta sacrifice!"
Hesitant, I leaned against the kitchen counter. "So I'm going by myself?"
"Look, my man ain't gonna be there either," Nicki continued. "It's just gonna be us geniuses. That's how I like to work."
Of course, my cynical dark passenger kept me from being too overjoyed. But deep down, I wanted this to be true. My future of being a full-time, professional writer looked set. Nicki Minaj had rescued me from obscurity. And in turn, she likely paved the way for Ash and I's inevitable marriage.
Once Ashley got home, I shared the insane news. She was happy. Like a tween ready to meet her favorite pop singer, she broke down in excited screams.
"Oh my God, Nicki called you!" Ashley yelled. She gave me a ferocious bear hug. "See! I told you you'd be famous!" Her hands ran wild over me. "You're such a great writer, babe!" Then Ashley's passionate kiss hit.
Like Nicki, Ashley too had Trinidad heritage. She had the smooth dark brown skin, the piercing eyes. Perfect teeth. And a nice figure considering she was all natural. Her flexible black hair could be amazing in a bun, straightened, or just left alone in its wavy perfection. But most of all Ash had personality to spare. A kind soul full of fiery life and strength.
On the other hand, I was a weird, skinny guy. Not tall at all. Messy straight brown hair and big green eyes. Even at 27, I still told I looked like a high schooler. Never in a complimentary way either. I always though my awkward good looks and goofy smile made it easy for people to walk all over me... Thank God, I had Ash to look out for us.
To my surprise, Ashley wasn't even upset about not being able to go with me.
"Oh, I trust Nicki!" she said behind a radiant smile. "If she says she'll get me there, she will." Ash caressed my face. "Just get the book done, babe. Make me and Nicki proud."
On Thursday afternoon, Ashley gave me a kiss at the airport. Then I was off to Beverly Hills.
There was no warm welcome party at LAX. All I got was a tall man in a psychedelic shirt and tight purple pants greeted me. Too chill to be a chauffeur or gofer. He held up a piece of paper with my name scribbled on it.
"What's happening, man?" he said to me in a Caribbean accent.
Even behind his thick red sunglasses, I could tell he was a friendly dude. A dark-skinned Trinidadian named Kellan. Muscular and in his late-20s, Kellan had the carefree charisma of a cool college kid. Rather than enduring any awkwardness, we bonded immediately.
To my relief, he showed me all the info on his phone. Nicki's directions for what she wanted him to do. Then together, we rode off.
The L.A. weather was perfect. But of course, the traffic wasn't. The ten-mile trip took us a solid hour. All while Kellan kept his radio on the Top 40 station.
"So are you like related to Nicki?" I asked.
"Naw, man," Kellan chuckled. Calm and collected, he navigated the streets of L.A. like a pro. "We're just friends." He faced me. "We're from Trinidad, you know how that goes! We all get along."
Soon, we traveled through a valley of gaudy mansions. And the further we drove, the more isolated the mansions got.
We pulled up the long driveway. And sure enough, this star had a star home base. A three-story brick mansion. Nicki's pristine yard featured more intriguing artwork and statues than a meticulous museum.
The tall-iron pike gates slammed shut behind us. Surveillance cameras were everywhere, but none of the security took away the welcoming aura.
Kellan parked next to a pink Lamborghini. Awestruck, I stepped out. Regardless of the classy vibe, you could tell The Minaj Mansion had character. The psychedelic pillars certainly showed off the Nicki touch. The mansion her own personal playland.
"Hi!" a cheerful voice called out.
My excitement only intensified. Especially once Kellan led me closer and closer to the front door. Closer to that exuberant voice.
There Nicki was standing on the porch. A cross between creative lunatic and Disney princess, the Queen wore a flowing green dress and layers of exotic jewelry. Messy pink hair and a lack of make-up a nice grungy addition to her elegant outfit.
"You made it!" she said through that tough accent.
Before I could even reply, Nicki gave me a warm hug.
"It's nice to meet you," I managed to say through the anxiety.
More radiant than a Golden Age movie star, Nicki confronted me. The smile of perfect teeth somehow soothed my nerves.
"Well, Hell, it's nice to meet you too!" Nicki responded. She motioned toward me. "Look at you. Rhonnie Fordham in my house!"
Inside, there were the framed albums and gold records. Minaj memorabilia in addition to collectibles from all her favorite musicians. I couldn't stop gazing at the many Trinidadian arts and crafts.
Together, the three of us cruised through the spacious kitchen and living room. We walked into a narrow hallway. An antique chandelier hung over the marble floor. I saw only three doors. Close to us were two doors standing side-by-side, the last one all the way down the other end of the hall.
I followed Nicki to the guest room. Colorful walls greeted me. Windows provided a nice view of Nicki's spacious yard. There were Marlon Brando and James Dean posters. A wooden bookshelf showcased a vinyl record player and dozens of horror movie books.
Nicki latched her playful eyes on to me. "It's all yours, Rhonnie."
"I really appreciate it," I said. I got ready to toss my bag on to the comfy bed.
Nicki snatched my wrist in a tight grip. "Oh no, you ain't dressing like that."
Grinning, I watched her hand my bag over to an amused Kellan. "What do you mean?"
Nicki motioned toward my current outfit: the purple tee and sloppy khakis. "Naw, you cute, but you ain't dressing like that here, boo."
Chuckling, Kellan took my bag out into the hallway.
Nicki pulled me in closer. "We gonna get you newer gear, Rhonnie. Some fresh shit!" She opened a closet.
A treasure chest of clothes stared back at us. The walk-in closet was chock-full of nice shirts, khakis, bathrobes, jeans, etc.
At Nicki's insistence, I changed into a better outfit. Tight-fitting khakis and a red tee. She said I looked even better... I couldn't help but think I looked like a cast-off from one of her videos. Then again, the clothes were Nicki's vision so I needed to appease her.
From there, Nicki showed me the room next door: my personal gym. Besides the equipment and flatscreen, there was a huge mirror in the center of the room.
"You're gonna stay in shape in my house!" Nicki said, overexcited. "You're gonna be looking good on my watch, Rhonnie."
"I'll do my best," I replied. I looked over at our reflections. I gotta say, Mrs. Majesty had dressed me up pretty well... She looked like she was even checking me out...
The Queen cackled. "My castle, my rules! Remember that, boo!"
I followed her out toward the hallway. Helped by the giant mirror, I really got a strong view of Nicki's pure physicality. Her beauty. At only 5'2, Nicki felt stronger. She just looked more powerful. Hell, even taller...
Outside of leading lady looks, Nicki had the poise of a star athlete. A model's face with a fighter's ferocity. And while 36 wasn't old by any stretch of the imagination, she looked preserved at a permanent peak. Flawless, smooth brown skin. And a contagious energy. A sharp nose to match a rebellious spirit. Her eyes so big and vibrant. Of course, there was the bodacious booty, not to mention the bouncing boobs. But to me, Nicki's allure ran deeper than the superficial. Besides a pretty celebrity, she was also a mad scientist in rap. An eccentric, creative mind like myself. And ultimately, regardless of the stage name and surgeries, she was still Onika Maraj.
Loud music startled me. Jumping, I turned and looked down the hall.
"Super Bass" blared from behind that last door. The consistent chorus of "Boom, badoom, boom, boom..." like a rap air raid.
"You alright?" Nicki asked me.
I flashed her a grin. "Yeah. Like who all lives down there?"
Nicki gave the room a dismissive wave. "That's where the staff goes. Probably just Martha and Cookie messing around."
Nicki snorted with laughter. "She's the cook!" Eager, she grabbed a hold of my hand. "Come on, I'll show you where we'll be working."
So out of all the home bars and gardens of pink flowers, Nicki's sanctuary here was the home recording studio. The room was small but too cozy to be claustrophobic. Nicki's notebooks of many lyrics ran wild across a desk.
And there, we talked. Just Nicki and I along with an occasional guest appearance from the drunk Kellan. Midnight drew closer. And as the beer and wine increased, so did our banter.
"So Ashley was okay with you coming out here?" Nicki asked in a sly tone.
Smirking, I watched her take another sip of the red wine. "Yeah, well, she's a big fan."
Nicki purred with glee. "So she ain't gonna get jealous..."
"She's your biggest fan."
"Hmm..." Nicki leaned in closer. "That might be you pretty soon."
An hour later, I was back in the guest room. Wearing my oversized glasses and one of the green bathrobes Nicki had given me, I talked on the phone with Ash.
"How is it?" Ashley asked, her voice full of fangirl excitement. "Does she really have a pink garden?"
"Yeah," I replied. "I just miss you."
"Aww," Ashley said.
"I'm serious, babe," I said. "One fucking night and I already feel lost without you..." Melancholy creeping in, I stole a glance toward the windows. Out toward the harsh security gate. "I need you out here, I know you'll love it."
"I know!" Ashley replied. "Like holy shit, I can't wait to hang out with Nicki!"
Later on, I worked on a new story. My nocturnal session took me to around two in the morning.
Music erupted through the quiet night. Nicki's verse on "Rake It Up" ambushed me.
"What the fuck..." I muttered. Annoyed, I crawled out of bed. The peaceful solitude had turned into an obnoxious nightclub.
I stepped out into the hallway. Squinting behind my glasses, I could tell the music was coming from the room down the hall. The staff spot.
Annoyed, I just went back to bed. Around 9:30, I awoke to find a note resting on the nightstand. Nicki's pretty handwriting had already laid out a schedule for me before the next interview.
I went ahead and did all the chores she asked. I wore the tight-fitting workout clothes she'd laid out for me. I did my exercises. Showered. And then wore the exact outfit she wrote down.
I stepped out into the hallway when a sudden slam echoed toward me. Alert, I looked over and saw the closed staff room door. At least, no music was playing this early...
Lunch was already laid out in the kitchen. A real home-cooked platter of steaks and steamed vegetables. I guess Cookie could cook after all.
"You like it?" a beaming voice asked.
Grinning, I turned to see Nicki standing in the kitchen doorway. She wore an obnoxious purple gown. A golden headdress adorned her wavy hair. What she had on was a glowing example of VMA weirdness. You know, the kind of shit only Nicki could pull off. "Yeah, it's amazing."
Nicki walked up to me. "Well, I know you worked out pretty hard." She squeezed my arm. "I know how y'all writers are." Her enamored eyes looked me up and down. "But you can still stay in shape and look so... nice."
After a few drinks with Kellan, Nicki and I retreated to the studio. And there we talked. My tape recorder and notepad in my hands, my focus solely on the Queen.
Together, we delved further into Nicki's past. Or at least what parts of it she wanted to share. To my surprise, she hated the stage name...
"It just had to be interpreted sexually," she ranted in that raspy accent. "I mean yeah, I don't mind it now, but why couldn't Nicki Maraj or Nicki The Ninja or something just suffice? I have to compromise with this shit just to get my music out there! And that's how it's always been, Rhonnie. The male gaze, we all gotta appease it!"
I nodded. "Naw, I see your point."
"Maybe I'd like to sexualize men more. I don't know rap about a fine boy and his fine ass, but people get all uptight about that shit." Nicki was in jaded overdrive. Her angry mannerisms veered out-of-control. "It's gotta be black girl big titties this, shaking this fat ass that!"
This was the side of Nicki I hadn't seen in person yet: her inner angry rapper. "Well, tell me more about your parents," I said.
Nicki gave me an uneasy look. "What do you mean?"
"I mean like y'all's relationship. I know who they are-"
"What's there to say," Nicki interrupted. The purple dress couldn't disguise her discomfort. "I still love them."
"I know that." Struggling to strike the balance between supportive friend and brave biographer, I leaned in closer. "But your mom and dad had a pretty rough relationship, right?"
"Look, dad was always shot out, alright." Her deep accent began crumbling... "He was always getting mad, yelling at her. Yelling at us..."
Keeping my distance, I stayed silent and respectful.
"He tried to kill her one time," Nicki said. Her trembling hand brushed her hair to the side. "The son-of-a-bitch tried setting her on fire."
"I'm sorry," I said.
"No. Don't be. You didn't do anything." Nicki leaned back in her seat. No smile or playfulness, just a forced cool demeanor. "But they're both better now." Reflective, she gazed over at the desk. At her archive of lyrics. "I just try to come in here every day, you know. Just escape into the music."
From there, we made our way to Nicki's nicer memories. Nicki was quite the reader growing up. She described stories and books as an escape from the loneliness. How she would even pretend all these fictional characters were a part of her family.
But Nicki's true love was obvious: acting. Just the way she reminisced about wanting to be a movie star radiated off her with child-like wonder. Of course, Nicki had the theater training. The looks, the personality, the drive... the affinity for costume shops.
"Be the next Pam Grier," I encouraged her. "You've got that fire to you."
After the interview, I wrote a little before calling Ash at midnight. She was encouraging as always. The motivational speaker to my dark mind.
"I can't wait to see you there," she said.
"Yeah, whenever we finish the interviews," I replied. "Might be another month..."
"Naw, it'll be quicker than that!" Ash said with what I knew was an excited smile.
Over the phone, I kissed her good night. Then I was back at it on the laptop. One sentence into my Nicki notes before a catchy beat stopped me.
Club Staff was back. The cool chorus of "Bed" drifted into my room like mist. And Nicki's frenetic verse hit me like a hurricane.
Cracking a smile, I stumbled toward the hallway. And sure enough there were the moving lights glowing under the club's door.
Fuck it. I was too tired to care. I wrote what I could then went to bed.
When I awoke and put on my glasses, my vision was crystal clear. Too clear. Stunned, I snatched my glasses off. Yeah, they were large Buddy Holly glasses... but not the cheap Dahmer ones I had. Instead, what I had was style. Purple frames. Clean, slick lenses. In other words, expensiveass glasses. I looked all around me but didn't see my contacts case anywhere. Nor my Dahmers.
"You like the upgrade?" I heard Nicki tease.
I saw her enter the room. She wore glasses even bigger than mine. Her hair fixed up in a messy bun. Dressed in sloppy nerd attire, Nicki still managed to pull off the baggy jeans and bland red blouse. Somehow, her goofy charisma made the outfit look natural rather than tacky.
"I'm gone be like Ashley and keep improving you," she said.
Later, my morning ritual commenced. The light workout in those form-fitting clothes. The long shower. Then I threw on Nicki's assigned outfit.
Nicki and I made our way into the studio for the next interview. I kept going back to her geeky childhood. There were the many phases and personalities Nicki's creativity conjured up to deal with the isolation.
"That was all I had," Nicki said. "The writing kept me going through everything. It kept me strong."
"I understand," I said.
"Oh, I know you do." Contemplative, Nicki hesitated. "When I was a kid, I used to pretend all the books I read were real. Like all the characters."
"Chun-Li" interrupted the interview. Not even the studio was safe from Club Cookie...
Nicki's snorting cackle erupted over the music. A nerdy laugh to match the ridiculous gear.
I couldn't help but smile. "So all they play is your songs?"
With the laid-back coolness of a defiant rock star, Nicki shrugged her shoulders. "Can you blame them?"
The music only helped propel our interview. The mood got light and carefree. A few drinks and guest appearances from Kellan didn't hurt the laid-back atmosphere either.
Nicki's quirkiness was the side people never saw. Or the side they chose to ignore. Besides the crazed Roman and this nerdy Nicki performance, there was also charitable Nicki. The Nicki Minaj who helped in raising $250 million for MAC AIDS Funds.
After the interview, we did more of the same: drinking and debauchery in the Queen's palace. Club Staff's playlist accelerated along with our alcohol intake. Together, me, Nicki, and Kellan jammed out like college roommates.
My buzz spiraled into a swirling haze. I collapsed on a living room couch. Nicki sat right beside me while a laughing Kellan stumbled in a recliner. The last thing I remembered was Nicki's playful smile. Her light touch on my shoulder. And then my eyes closed.
Sunlight splashed across me like a bucket of water. Groggy, I awoke in the guest room. I still don't know how I ever got there. Nor do I know how my clothes changed into a tank top and a new pair of boxers overnight... I heard more Nicki tunes drifting in from Club Staff.
The Queen's ferocious flow on "Feeling Myself" enrapturing my ears, I reached over and grabbed the purple glasses. I snatched my cell phone. 10 A.M. And seven missed calls from Ashley.
"Fuck!" I yelled. Frantic, I got ready to call her back.
A harsh grip ensnared my wrist.
"Rhonnie!" Nicki's ferocious voice screamed. "We've got work to do!"
I faced her focused stare. Now Nicki was in tomboy mode. Pure defiance. She wore an oversized black Ramones tee shirt and loose, holey dark jeans. Her hair was straightened and stringy. Less stylish than usual... but still oh so attractive.
"That means no calling your girl!" she continued.
With blazing speed, Nicki snatched my phone. Her clenched hand a bear trap. "We've got an interview, remember. Now go change and get your workout on! You know the damn drill!"
Indeed, I did. I changed quick into those tight shorts. Then I hit the gym hard. The entire Queen album played from the staff room.
The treadmill and crunches left me sweaty. Almost delirious, I staggered around the room. Surrounded by nothing but my exhausted reflection. And Nicki's music. Tired, I approached the flatscreen. My finger stumbled through the buttons.
The screen shifted from MLB Network to a different feed. I'd hit the input button on accident... and what I saw now was live footage from Nicki's palace. From my gym.
The video was clear as day. A home movie in high definition. And there I was on screen: walking the treadmill, doing my sit-ups and stretches. All in those flattering pants. I was the oblivious star of Nicki's private movie. And who the Hell knows what she was using it for... or just how many videos she had.
I was too scared to explore this feed any further. Nervous, I turned off the T.V. And with restless eyes, I scanned the workout room. But I saw no cameras. No glowing red lights. I was alone.
I decided to play it cool. Not that I had much choice with no cell phone or weapon. And this far away from home.
In the guest room, my clothes were already prepared for me. Today's wardrobe: tight jeans and a colorful red tee.
Then we had our latest session in the studio. Nicki's persona now shifted from playful artist to combative genius.
That morning took us on a variety of much darker topics. We discussed Nicki's messy break-ups. The abortion she had at fifteen. Her mood grew more anguished. There were less smiles and more frustration. Regardless of the never-ending Nicki playlist from Club Cookie or even the constant booze each of us indulged in, a vulnerable sadness punctured through Onika Maraj's confidence.
"Is this how you felt when you were younger?" I asked.
"Honestly, Rhonnie," Nicki struggled to say. Her shaky hand pushed her hair to the side. "That's how I've always felt. Disrespected, alienated. All that shit."
"What about your critics?"
"My critics?" Nicki said, her voice devoid of all charm and warmth.
"Yeah," I said. "The people who criticize your music. That all you do is sexualize yourself, you have no depth-"
Like a defensive animal, Nicki leaned in real quick. A fiery glare conquered her face. "But I do care!" her deep, guttural voice yelled. "I do have depth! I talk about more than just how beautiful I am! Maybe if people listened to the rest of my Goddamn songs, they'd see that!"
"And I agree. But there's always other factors at play here. Racism, sexism."
More sadness weighing her down, an emotional Nicki motioned toward me. "But it's not just that! I expect that bullshit!"
"What do you mean?"
Nicki's gaze drifted toward her many notebooks. "I mean most people don't know how much I care about equal rights. For blacks, the LGBT community."
"The people who know you know that, Nicki," I replied. "They know you for more than just sexy lyrics."
With the reflexes of a cautious cat, Nicki confronted me. "But they should all know, Rhonnie! Especially before they start criticizing me and my fucking fans." She ran trembling hands through her hair. Faint sweat oozed through her fingers. No costume could conceal this sadness. "But no one wants to see that," Nicki went on.
An unsettling silence ensued. But I pressed on. I had to. For the book, for me. For Ash. And even for Nicki's own damn sake. "But I don't know, Nicki," I said. "I think there's more to it than just the critics."
Nicki's eyes pierced into my soul. "What do you mean..."
"What you had to go through with your parents, all that loneliness," my voice said with equal parts sympathy and strength. "And then you had the abortion. I mean shit, the bad break-ups. This isn't just critics and trolls, Nicki."
Nicki pulled her glasses off. Her poise vanishing right before my eyes.
"And you didn't even talk about your cousin," I said.
Tears fell down Nicki's eyes. Gone was Nicki Minaj. Here was lonely young Onika.
"Nicholas Telemaque," I said. "His death affected you too. All these tragedies did. They built up inside you, Nicki. They still hurt you."
Defiant, Nicki wiped away her tears. "What do you think you are, Rhonnie? Some kind of fucking doctor!"
The bitter response caught me off-guard. "No..."
Her roller coaster of emotions veering off the rails, Nicki opened a desk drawer.
I leaned in toward her. "Look, Nicki-"
"No, stay your ass right there!" she shouted. The drawer's loud slam overshadowed the never-ending Nicki Minaj soundtrack.
Nicki faced me. A yellow wig covered her straight hair. Her tears replaced by wild eyes. "Hello there," she responded in a British accent.
I forced a chuckle. "What the fuck. You keep spare wigs in there?"
"Always, baby," she replied, her accent even crazier. The full Roman Zolanski effect. And Nicki's eyes looked... hungrier.
Uncomfortable, I sifted in my seat. "Well, look, we can just take a break-"
Like a monster on the prowl, Nicki leaned in close. Real close. "We do need a break..." A madcap smile crossed her face. "For something else." She grabbed my leg in a confident grip.
"Uh, what are you doing..." I said, uneasy.
She went in closer, inches away from my face. "Don't you know I wanted you here for more than just a biography, Rhonnie."
Struggling against her powerful strength, I tried to hold Nicki back. "No, look. I can't."
I stumbled out of the seat.
Leaning up against my chair, Nicki let out a wicked laugh. "Come on, Rhonnie!"
Nervous, I now noticed all the empty wine bottles and longnecks on the desk. "Naw, this ain't cool man." I faced Nicki. The drunken starlet was still hot even looking this crazy in a haphazard wig and runny eyeliner. Just scarier than usual. "We can't do this."
"I know all about you, Rhonnie," Nicki continued in that quirky British accent. That Roman tone. "There's more to you than just the writing." Standing, she rose to the beat of "Roman's Revenge." The hypnotic track dominated the scene. As did the Queen's deranged presence.
"Nicki, chill," I said. "I've got Ashley, you've got your man."
Nicki glided toward me in quick steps. "I knew all about you before I brought you here, Rhonnie." Playful, she leaned in with that manic smile. "I've seen those porn accounts."
In a tenacious tease, she traced her long fingernail down my face. "On Reddit." Her hand grabbed my crotch. My ever-growing crotch. I couldn't help it. The sensation was too much. "I know you've got that big dick." Nicki stole a glance behind me. "That ass too. I've seen all of you, Rhonnie, and I like what I see." Seductive, she stuck out her tongue.
I held her back. My awkward weakness no match for Mrs. Majesty. "I can't. Not to Ash."
"Why not?" Nicki challenged. She got in my face. "She's a fan, remember?" Her confident cackle seamlessly blended into "Roman's Revenge."
"Naw, it's not fucking right!" I said. The booze now hitting me hard, I turned toward the door.
Nicki's hands snatched my ass. "Bring that ass!" I heard her cry.
Helpless, I confronted the pretty face. The crazy, pretty face. Nicki's hands squeezed harder, literally holding me in place. I had no chance at escape in these tight jeans...
"I ain't letting you out, babe," Nicki told me. She leaned in closer, seductive yet strong. "Never."
The first kiss was quick. The next one a bit slower. Her hands clamored all over my body. The sensations and suffocating loop of "Roman's Revenge" overwhelmed me. Here I was with my celebrity crush, two thousand miles from the love of my life. The alcohol left me enraptured. My large erection stayed firm. Nicki smacked my ass for erotic emphasis. Her purring ever constant. If Ash was ever in a similar spot with Ryan Reynolds or Michael B. Jordan, I'd understand. I'd forgive her for giving in to the smorgasbord of sin. Just like I hoped she'd forgive me.
I held Nicki in my arms and pressed against her. Our kisses erupted with unbridled passion.
Tilting her head back, Nicki cackled like a wolf howling at the moon. Carnal hunger conquered her.
"Barbie Dreams" began on Nicki Radio. A seductive rhythm for our intimate encounter.
"You're beautiful," I told Nicki.
Nicki threw down my pants. "Likewise," she remarked. She tore off my shirt and held my face in her hands. "Welcome home, Rhonnie."
The door swung open behind us.
Startled, I turned to see Kellan step in. A completely nude Kellan. His body was chiseled under Nicki's guidance. His big dick flopped out. A beer still held in his hand. His beaming smile locked in on me. "Hey, you ready to join, Rhonnie?" he said.
I stared at him, confused. Even as excitement still coursed through my veins. "What do you mean?" I asked. I felt Nicki step away from me.
Chuckling, Kellan swung his dick around. "Oh, you'll see!" He pointed at my own penis. "You should be doing the same with that big thing, man!"
The sound of a drawer being ripped open made me whirl around. "Nicki."
Nicki stood a few feet away. All ready for "the show." Her new outfit featured a Braves baseball cap, a loose tank top over her large breasts, and a lowered pair of checkered boxer shorts. How she changed in a matter of seconds I'll never know. Nor how fast she got the strap-on attached to her crotch. Sure, I was a well-hung guy. But even I was humbled by this big pink dildo Nicki wore. A dick bigger than the tower...
Considering how thicc Nicki was, those thrusts were gonna be fucking hard. And judging by her excited Roman face, Nicki looked to know how to use this beast. I now felt horror once I remembered she loved to peg...
I stood naked and still. Too stunned to move. Both from fear and sexual exhilaration.
Nicki cackled. "I told you I wanted that ass," she said in a deep voice. Her hands cradled around the protruding prosthetic. "I want all of you, Rhonnie."
Footsteps echoed right behind me. "We both do," I heard Kellan say.
Both of them descended upon me. The curtain now set to rise for this forthcoming threesome. Drunk, I stumbled up against the desk. My eyes strayed back-and-forth between the two pretty people. "Barbie Dreams" a sensual backbeat. This setting far crazier than any Nicki Minaj music video I'd ever seen...
"I be like fuck 'em, fuck 'em, bring the lube in," a playful Nicki sang along. She swung the dildo around. A gigantic pendulum all for me...
Terrified, I woke with a start. Sweat drenched my skin and bed sheets. My heart pounded like an incessant scare chord. And yet somehow, my ass wasn't pounding with pain...
I grabbed my purple glasses off the nightstand. Feelings of relief hit me once I realized I was back in the guest room. Everything was quiet. A beautiful morning with nothing but serene silence surrounded me.
And there was my phone lying right by the pillow. Complete with the seven missed calls from Ashley. It was 10 A.M. and I'd just survived a fucking crazy dream.
Excited, I called Ash back, but I just got her voicemail. I knew she was okay. But still. I missed hearing her voice...
I figured I'd call her back after the workout. Knowing the mysterious camera feed was from the dream, I didn't worry about being filmed now. Once I got back to the guest room, I put on Nicki's select outfit for the day.
The hallway was so quiet I could hear my own footsteps. Hear my own thoughts. I saw no sign of life from the staff room. The smell of breakfast pulled me into the kitchen.
Wearing a flowing pink dress, Nicki stood at the oven. Her hair was done up in an elaborate bun. In the tall high heels, she looked fucking spectacular... even if the outfit was more appropriate for a nineteenth-century ball rather than cooking.
Stirring a pot, she grinned at me. "You ready to eat?" she teased in that Roman Zolanski accent.
I walked up to her, impressed. "Damn, you cooked that?"
Like a confident prom queen, she strutted up to me. "Of course," she said in her natural tough accent. "I've been cooking for us all along, Rhonnie." Her grin ever so wicked, she laid a hand on my shoulder.
"Starships" roared back to life. The bombastic beat and Nicki's blazing lyrics squashed the silence like a nuclear bomb of pop music.
"What the fuck!" I yelled. Panicking, I looked back toward the hallway. Right from where the Nicki playlist had been resurrected...
I felt Nicki pull me closer to her lips. "Just let them play, darling," her British accent teased. "Let them have their fun!"
Right as the chorus hit its peak, I pulled away from the Queen. I rushed off toward the hallway.
Like a stage actress, Nicki held her hand out toward me. Devilish anger fueled her glower. "But darling, don't go!" her Roman voice yelled.
I did my best to ignore her. But I couldn't ignore "Starships"... the frenetic beat.
The staff room's door was open just a crack. Just enough to allow its bombastic music to escape.
Curiosity and anger motivated me. I shoved the door open and ran inside. "Hey!" I yelled.
Vivid, bright lighting illuminated the spacious area. The room way too big to be a bedroom or study. This was an arena.
Amidst the pink walls was an arsenal of antique furniture. A jukebox continued playing her jams. In the corner, an old-fashioned bar stood complete with every alcoholic beverage imaginable. I saw a closed door in the very back of this personal auditorium.
But the horror really set in once I saw Nicki's "staff." The dozens of wax figurines populating the room. All of them were positioned like pieces in an elaborate museum. And all of them were Nicki Minaj. Nicki's many "characters." There was Barbie, Roman, Nerdy Nicki. And they were all dressed in exquisite, elaborate clothing. The collection snapshots of Nicki's many moods. Each and every one of their fake eyes were focused on me.
Scared, I felt like I was drowning in this pink sea. Isolated amongst the Pepto-Bismol walls. "Starships" became etched deep in my mind. I broke down into a terrified mess.
"Rhonnie!" an enthusiastic voice shouted.
I saw Kellan step out from behind the bar. Shirtless and clad in only boxers, Kellan's muscles were exposed for all the world to see. And of course, he carried two beers. Like a sinister toast, he held one out toward me. "You want some more, man?"
Nervous, I rushed up to him. "Kellan, we need to get the fuck outta here!"
Kellan's amused smile never vanished. "Why?"
I motioned toward all the wax figurines. "Look at this shit!" I yelled. "She's crazy! We can't stay here. She's-"
With a dramatic flourish, Kellan leaned in and gave me a kiss. A smooth and effortless smooch. I couldn't help but feel erotic excitement. Kellan's hand caressed my face.
I stared at him, shocked. "Starships" now sounded so much slower and hypnotic in the aftermath of the startling kiss.
"Now why would you wanna leave?" Kellan said to me in charismatic Caribbean accent. He ran his hands along my arms. Such soothing strokes. "We have everything we want right here, Rhonnie."
I stumbled back.
"You can live here like me," Kellan said. Triumphant, he held up his arms. "Forever!"
"No," I said. "I can't..."
"Oh yes, you can!" Nicki's theatrical British accent cried.
In this pink funhouse, I whirled around.
Cackling like a witch, Nicki stepped into the room. She was back in her Roman attire: the blonde wig, the smeared make-up, a regal black dress embellished with glitter. And an evil face. "Everyone stays with me!" she shouted.
Full of carnal satisfaction, Nicki lifted up the dress. There was the large dildo from my dream. Or what I thought was a dream...
"Aw, fuck..." I said through the unease. Trembling, I staggered toward the back of the room.
Nicki's crazed eyes pierced into me. "Now it's time for fun." She snarled like a dungeon dragon. And in this brutal instant, her performance veered from hammy camp to fucking terrifying...
Scared, I took off for the door in the back.
Kellan grabbed my arm. His grip tight and clamoring for more.
"Stay!" he pleaded. With seductive slowness, he leaned in closer. "We've got it made, brother."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nicki get closer and closer. Her playful hands twirled the dildo. Her lustful gaze never strayed from me. "Come here, lover!" she cried. Nicki pointed the dildo at me like a loaded gun. "Bring that ass now!"
"Stay with us!" Kellan begged me. He lunged in toward my face.
I pushed him away. "No!"
Channeling her inner vampire, Nicki held her hands out toward me. Crazed malevolence compelled her. "Stay with us forever, Rhonnie!"
I watched the two of them get closer. Both their smiles so big and bright. Megawatt smiles for this sinister stage.
"I can't!" I yelled.
"Yes, you can!" Nicki cried. Using on all her aggressive strength, she came charging toward me. Her speed faster her flow.
Scared shitless, I bolted for the door.
Nicki's deranged cackles erupted all around me. As did her deranged verse from "Monster."
I tore open the door and jumped inside. In one quick slam, I locked it behind me. Then I heard the long fingernails clawing at the door. Not to mention a long dildo flopping against it...
"Rhonnie!" Nicki's British accent cooed. "Come back, lover! Come back!"
Breathing heavy, I checked my surroundings. The dark, small bedroom awaited me. A hidden bedroom. I saw no windows. Only dim lamps for lighting. A vinyl record player and overfilled bookcase were here for decoration. Long pink blankets covered the queen-size bed.
Once I no longer heard Nicki's desperate attempts to get in, I relaxed. Up until I heard her British accent rapping along to the iconic track..
Shivering, I retrieved my cell phone. I knew I still had Ash. My one hope for getting the fuck out of here. My thumb hovered over her number.
A bedside lamp cut on, blinding me.
"Shit!" I cried. Shielding my eyes, I looked toward the bed. Speechless shock swept over me. I didn't even feel the phone slip from my grasp.
"Rhonnie!" Ashley's beaming voice yelled. Dressed in a pink bathrobe, she rushed up to me. "You made it!"
"Ashley," I said, still confused and scared. "What the Hell's going on?"
Full of Nicki's madcap glee, Ash snagged a hold of my hands. "Nothing," she said. "I'm just glad to see you."
"Look, we gotta go, babe!" I said. Outside, Nicki's howl-along to "Monster" sent shivers down my spine. The cry of a werewolf pop star.
"What do you mean?" Ash asked with a smile.
I looked into Ash's eyes. Her lustful, hungry eyes. There was no panic in her. Only a comfortable contentment. The same chill spirit Kellan exhibited during the entire trip.
"Babe," I said. Uneasy, I squeezed her hands. "How'd you get here? What the fuck's going on?"
Like the devoted fangirl she always was, Ash kept displaying her grin. Her unwavering excitement. "Nicki brought me here yesterday!" she said with reverence. "We've been waiting to surprise you!"
All I could do was stare at my girlfriend's pretty face. Her conversion from fangirl to psychofan now all the more obvious.
"Nicki loved your stories, she even told me!" Ashley said. "I just knew you and her would work well together. Then we could all come out here!" Ash pulled me in close, her ferocious fingernails digging in deep through my defeated flesh. "Ooh, I'm so excited, Rhonnie! Nicki said we never have to leave!"
I heard the door creak open behind me. The jukebox now played "Barbie Tingz." An anthem for this most twisted "love." A theme for Nicki and Kellan as they made their way toward us... toward the queen-size bed.
Reaching both a sexual and passionate hysteria, Ashley jumped in place. Her hands ran wild over my body. Her series of kisses a demonstration of mad love. "I don't ever wanna leave, babe! Not ever!"